Growing apart.

Have you ever felt like you are about to grow apart from someone that you love? Well, yes, time change, people change. But how would you feel if that someone who is the one that is very dear to you? It's hard to accept the fact that the one that you love is growing apart from you and the person is changing. Today, I want to blog about someone that always have a special place in my heart and I can feel like we're now growing apart. Quite far apart.

What really is the main thing that cause this thing? Was it the distance? I don't really think the distance. Maybe you've changed. And yeah, people change. I am trying my best to accept the fact that you've changed completely. You chose to be who you are today. I guess you are not matured enough for the time being. Maybe it takes time. But, how long will it take? I'm afraid if one day, you are too late to realize that what you've done for all these while are useless. I don't want you to ruin your life. I don't want you to regret with what you've done.

To be frank, I miss you. I miss the old you. I miss the time when we used to sit together wth the rest and talk about everything. You were so dear to me. I've known you for my whole life. I cried for you when you were being scolded by Abah when you were small. I miss 'bangcik yang anak Mama'. I don't like the new you. I know that people change. But why do you have to change to be someone like this? I miss 'bangcik yg naive'. Oh! How I miss the good old days. I wish you change to be someone better because I have faith in you that you will be someone better. I am not saying that you turn out to be a bad person, but you've change alot through these years. It's like you are no longer my bangcik. It's like I don't even know who you are anymore. But, no matter how, I hope one day you'll realize this. No matter how and no matter what, you are still my bangcik and I'll always pray for your succes. =). And yeah, I will still love you with all my heart. =)

I know that I should be doing some revisions right now. Sorry mama, jap lagi angah study eyh. I don't know why but I miss my brother so much. I miss the old him. But then I have to acept the fact that he is no longer the old bangcik.

My next paper is on Friday (Oct 31st). Please pray for me. =)

xoxo

-zafirahrosland-

=)

"Yesterday is a history,

Tomorrow is a mystery,

Today is a gift, a gift from God,

And that is why it is call 'present'."

Yes, today is a gift. We have to cherish everything that happen today. No matter what it is. We can remember that past but we can't live with the past. The past is a history to be remembered and not to live with. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, but we have to concentrate our minds on the present moment. What ever that had happened in my past, I will still keep them as memories no matter how sweet they were and no matter how bad they were. And one day, I am sure when I look back to the past, I will smile because I know that what happened in the past and what is happening right now, are the things that make me what I am today. But, eventhough I want to move forward in my life, I may still have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, I have learn how to let go. I have to release the hurt, release the fear and refuse to entertain my old pain. I am trying my best not to live with the past. I have moved on with my life. Thanks to the people that never gave up on me eventhough sometimes I gave up on myself. Thanks to those who believe in me. Thanks to the people who is always there for me. Thanks for the advices. Thanks to those who had hurt me. Thanks for giving me the pain. The pain thought me how to be stronger. Thanks. To this one particular person, *thenameshouldnotbementioned*, I have moved on. Thanks for making me stronger. With every cruel intention you helped me find my indipendence. Thanks. =)

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Ouh yeah, my finals are just around the corner. Will sit for my agama paper this Tuesday (Oct 28th). Wish me luck guys. Do pray for my success.

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I am missing my family so much at the moment. How I wish they were here with me. Missing my sisters like hell and missing my little brother so much. Oh, I can't wait to meet them next year! Oh please let the time flies fast. =)

xoxo

-zafirahrosland-

Fall for you

The best thing bout tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you that I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night

That I wil fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

It's impossible

So breathe in so deep

Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep

And hold on to your words cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find.

xoxo

-zafirahrosland-

i cant believe how fast time flies.

i am now 20.

20?

OMG!

i dun even feel like 20.

hahaha!

i just celebrated my 20th birthday on last tuesday.

bye bye to teen teen sound.

last birthday was my 1st time celebrating it wif my MMU peeps.

thanx to shoba who acted as the so-called 'surprise' party planner.

haha.

it was well-planned but shoba, too bad i knew it earlier.

haha.

nex tym jgn nk plan everyone pki same color baju eh.

=)

i am finally free.

hooooraayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

exams are finally over.

bye bye notes+cases!

=)

Happy Birthday to my dearest Hana

 Dearest Hana,
Happy 20th birthday
May Allah bless you always and may all your dreams come true.
Hope that you'll have another year filled with success and happiness.
Thanks for being a fab and great friend.
Thanks for being a good listener and being there for me when I needed someone to talk to.
Thanks for always supporting in whatever I do.
I just can't thank you enough for everything that you had done for me.
Hope you'll have a great day today.
Enjoy your day dear!

.

For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm...I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on, for everything you do, for everything thats true, I turn to you.

.

Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, "What?! You too?! I thought I was the only one!" =)

.

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends we choose.

And I believe that I made the right choice. =)

.

Friends aren't jumper cables. You don't throw them in the trunk and pull them out for emergencies.

.

Hope you'll have a blast on your birthday!

I am missing you so much here.

How I wish I can be there on your birthday.

Enjoy your special day and hope you had a great one!

xoxo

-zafirahrosland-

Promise

'I promise to be with you forever'

'I promise I won't leave you'

'I promise you will be mine forever'

'I promise I will never forget you'

' I promise etc, etc, etc...'

.

Those are examples of promises that we used to hear in our daily lives. To make a promise is easy. But to keep one is not that easy, right? Don't you ever promise anything if you can't keep it. Please, don't give hope to others if you, yourself will destroy that hope. I've learnt that never put high expectation on someone recently. Actually I've learnt that a long time ago. I remember once, my former class teacher, Pn Wan Norasmah told me to never put high expectation on someone. But I don't know why I still want to put a very high expectation on this particular friend. Hoping that whatever this friend say is true and that this friend will change and keep the promise that this friend had made. Sometimes I feel like I am so stupid to believe in this friend.

.

Yes my dearest Hana, you are absolutely right. Kawan memang ramai, untuk happy sama2 memang senang nak cari, but kawan yg boleh nangis same2 ngan kita bila kita sedih, susah nak cari. I am so glad that I have a few of them in my life. Thanks for always being there for me. You guys never made any promise to be with me forever or not to forget me but you guys are always there for me. I can't thank you guys enough for that. I really really appreciate every single thing what you guys had done for me.

.

I am disappointed, I am sad but I believe that everything happens for a reason. Now I know who my true friends are. I don't need those promises. I don't want any promises. I just need a real true friend who can share everything with me, who will always be there for me, who will never complain and who accept me the way I am.

.

I am right now trying my best not to believe in promises and not to make any promise anymore. Please don't make any promises if you know that you can't keep it. Don't give hope to others. It hurts when you don't keep the promise that had been made. I'm saying this to remind myself as well. Like what my sister always said. karma is a bitch, it will finally get u later in life. So, when the time comes, don't blame others.

.

To my deares Hana, Happy becoming birthday! Love u loads dear! I'll call u at 12 tonight.

Hehe

xoxo

-zafirahrosland-

its 4 in the mornin people.
but i stil cant sleep.
i dont even feel like sleeping.
not just yet.
this might be due to my sleeping disorder.
uwh yea!SLEEPING DISORDER!
i've been havin dis problem since a month ago?
a month or maybe more than dat.
i used to stay up til late in the mornin esp during last ramadhan where i used to sleep after sahur which was around 5 or 6.
i hate the fact dat i am now used to this situation.
ahhh!!!
i miss my former sleeping habit so damn much.
teratur!

and now am thinking of angah aka zafirah!
God knows hw much i miss her.
and i noe hw much she misses me as well when she texted me and sent me a testi.*perasan=)*
angah, i miss you mucho!

i miss TALKING to you.
i miss HANGING OUT wif you.
i miss LAUGHING OUT LOUD wif you.
i miss GOSSIPING wif u!
i miss being miss 'independent' aka adventurous.penang, remember?=)
i miss being ur so-called gf when u r driving.remember dis one?=)
i miss EVERYTHING about you my bestie!

i could never find someone like you anymore.
wut more could i ask for in a friendship?
you've given me everything dat i needed in a friendship.
am sorry for being tooooo 'busy' and am sorry for not updating much bout myself.
we'll get everythin back to how it used to be ok?
if i were given a chance to make a wish, i wud wish to spend at least one day, one whole day to be wif u without no distraction or interruption AT ALL to share our stories, a to z and every single thing.
I MISS YOU!!!
=(

-hana-

a little bit of update

Hello there.

I was busy with stuffs, I guess today is the only day that I got the chance to update this thingy. Well, as you all know that I celebrated my raya in Singapore. Singapore was not that good actually for me. Heh. But the event that I attended was fab! Seriously. I was so inspired by the spirit that I saw from the participating teams.

I went to Singapore with Kak Nad (She's one of the SIFE Uniten's alumni), Abg.Sham (Kak Nad's husband), Kak Ju, Nini, Kak Dyla, Botak, Put and Zil. Didi and Suresh went with SIFE Malaysia. Kak Nad and Abg.Sham were our foster parents there. They took good care of us when we were there. Thanks to Kak Nad and Abg.Sham. We went there on September 30th at 11oo and we arrived there at 1600. We stayed at Fragrance Backpackers Hostel in Dunlop Street. That place was called 'little india'. Some sort like indian town. So, I'm very sure you can imagine how does that place looks like right? After checking in, we went out to find a place for 'buka puasa'. Since all of us had never been to Singapore, we do not know which place is the best to go. Then we found a banana leaf restaurant and we decided to eat there since waktu berbuka da sgt dekat. The food was okay I guess cuz I'm not a fan of nasi briyani much so I can't comment anything. Huhu. After that, we decided to take a walk and see what we can find in Singapore. We walked everywhere including Haji Lane, Arab Street, etc. But, Singapore was like so boring at night. It's like they don't have a life there. Sangat sunyi sepi. Most of the shops are closed. Hello?! It's only like 2130!! Adoi je la. After having a drink at one of the so called 'maple' at Haji Lane, we decided to walk back to our place. It was tiring.

Okay this was where the quite sedih part started. It was our 1st raya. We woke up quite early, had shower and so on. Then around 0815, we went downstairs to go to the mosque near our hostel. There was an Indian muslim mosque there. It was about 5 minutes walk to the mosque. When we arrived there, we did not see a single woman. All of them are men. Then, Kak Nad asked one of the men there, kat mana tempat solat org perempuan. Then that guy answered that women are not allowed to pray there during raya. They told us to go to another mosque. What?? Gila ke? As if kitorg tau je mana lagi satu mosque. Then they tried to find a room for us jugak so that we can pray there. But in order to get to the room, we have to rempuh all of the men there. OMG! Sangat sesak, sangat penuh dan sangat 'harum'. The room yg diorg bagi tu, sangat menyedihkan actually. I just do not know how to describe it. But the khutbah for hari raya was recited in their language and I don't understand a thing. Sangat sedih. After da solat tu, we went Kak Ju's aunt's house in Tempanise. We get to eat lontong there and some rendang. At least that felt like home. Huhu. After that we went to SIFE Cultural Fair. That fair was amazing. I really enjoyed it.

The competition starts on the 2nd of October. The final round was on the 3rd of October. The Canadian team, Indian team, Nigerian team and the Singaporean team get to go to the finals. The Canadian team won the competition and they really deserved to win it. They were great! Their presentation was the best and their projects were magnifique! their spirits were great. I pun tetbe bersemangat x tentu pasal bila tgk diorg bersemangat. Hehe
But whatever it is, I wanted to thank Didi for bringing me there. Thank you so much Didi. I've gained alot from that.

And yeah, kitorg x sempat g Sentosa Island. Too bad. But, never mind, at least I dapat something yg lagi bermakna from that. Hehe. Okay then, I guess thats all for today. Actually I wanted to tell you more, but not now, maybe some other time. I am missing my family so much right now. Miss my sisters sgt banyak. Miss going out with them. How I wish I was there with them. Haish.

Hope its not too late for me to wish Selamat Hari Raya to everyone!

xoxo
-zafirahrosland-